Vroom. Ping. Ahh. Tick tock. Wallop. Oof. Awooga. Awooga. Awooga. What am I on about? Nee idea. Just like I have nee idea how last night happened.
Sunderland + tele - Asoro + Fletcher = four goals. Mathematicians around the globe are dumbfounded and suddenly considering belief in Flat Earth as all the hypothesis known to man were shattered by an evening of what the fcuks. John O'Shea scored man. There's no need for this level of what the fcukery.
Social media was a joyous place to be. Sunderland fans and beyond were lapping up the Lads' performance and it was just class. Remember Yann M'Vila? Of course you do, that summer transfer saga is still raw and I'm not sure we'll ever truly be over it. However, the beaut proved to us all what a massive Lads fan he is - going ham on Instagram liking a whole host of Sunderland-related posts in the wake of our win. What does it mean? Absolutely nothing, but it makes me feel warm inside.
Moving to the match, I truly believe Ashley Fletcher should be heavily commended for his performance up front. He was an absolute nightmare for Derby's back line. This is a defence that has more clean sheets than any other in the division, yet the striker who has up to now been our worst forward of all time ran them ragged. Yes, he should have done a lot more with Aiden McGeady's majestic cross, but if we ignore that we look back on a hugely competent striker's performance.
Fletcher was everywhere in the opposition half and showed excellent close-control both for his goal and as he hit the post. It's hard to completely buy into the notion that Fletcher is a striker good enough to keep us in this division, but you have to give credit when it's due and the lad had a really good game. If he keeps up that level of performance then I'll enjoy having my foot in my mouth.
We played a lot of last night without the ball, as you would expect away against Derby. Yet we created twice as many opportunities, despite being very naive with our passing generally. It screamed LOOK AT THIS SYSTEM IT WORKS IT REALLY WORKS very loud. Our players aren't the best, you won't see us string together ten passes very often - and we'll concede many-a goal - but we do have footballers that can cause big problems if they're given the license to do so. Perhaps that has been Chris Coleman's biggest mistake so far, focusing too hard on a tight back line that was never possible instead of letting our attacking players loose.
What can we expect on Monday? Well, hopefully not a change in formation. I know we've had some atrocious performances with four at the back but last night proved it gives us the opportunity to express ourselves further forward. Aiden McGeady lapped up the occasion and arguably put in his best performance to date, surely securing a start against Sheffield Wed.
Others like Lynden Gooch and Paddy McNair really made an impact - how does Coleman change up a side that won so convincingly? He indicated it was his intention, due to the plethora of games coming up, but after such a big win surely everyone who featured last night will be desperate to get back on the pitch and do it all again.
The win has finally come. We need more. We can't go back to five at the back - let's absolutely go for this PDC, Gus, D*ck, Big Sam style.
Hate this club. Love this club.