Gallows humour GOLD; will Netflix documentary on Sunderland contain these Top 10 cack moments?

If you didn't laugh, you'd crack open a can - right? Only Sunderland AFC could have been relegated b

by Will_White Sunday, 22 April 2018 03:25 PM Comments
If you didn't laugh, you'd crack open a can - right? Just imagine the riotous madness which has been captured on that Netflix documentary being filmed about this Sunderland season man. Revel in the gallows humour with us as we count down the 10 cackest moments...


You know these Sunderland supporting lads from Fulwell73 who've been filming a 'warts n all' documentary all season about the one of the worst campaigns in the club's history? Do you not think they should just chuck the evidence in the bin and forget all about televising it on Netflix?

Cos this sh*t being aired to a global audience will have Sunderland AFC as the butt of jokes and a laughing stock for years to come.. Revel in the state of this as we count down the ten most embarrassing episodes of 2017/18....

10. Pre season, Darron Gibson & that strip

Not entirely sure when the camera crew started filming on Wearside but cast your mind back to pre-season and the farce that was the 'German takeover' and Martin Bain's comedic pursuit of Aberdeen boss Derek McInnes. 

Once that had concluded and Bain grinned next to new manager Simon Grayson, a minging pre-season ensued, which included that horrendous afternoon when Celtic visited and defeats at Bury and St Johnstone. The unveiling of the worst strip in the club's history only further hinted at the madness to come. 

Image: Sunderland AFC

Then in July, January signing Darron Gibson got smashed at his Ramside Hotel base and launched into a stinging attack on his teammates whilst generally slurring and make a tit of himself. It wouldn't be the last time a drunken Gibson would embarrass the club. 

9. Martin Bain boasting about the club's abhorrent transfer business

As the world marvelled that Sunderland had managed to sign ten players for a combined £1.25m in the summer, and doom-sayers predicted the Black Cats would struggle in the Championship, chief executive Martin Bain gave an interview to the two main local newspapers covering SAFC hailing the genius which had been behind the transfer activity. 

Responding to criticism of the business done, the CEO insisted the club had been careful to bring the 'right type' of 'hungry' players to the club and that selling Vito Mannone was the right thing to do. 

Given the performance of Mannone's THREE replacements, and the failure of every player signed this season to make any impact, Bain's boasts look awfully ridiculous now in the wake of relegation. 

8. Simon Grayson offending every Sunderland fan who hadn't travelled to Ipswich on a Tuesday night

Fast forward to September and Grayson was already feeling the pressure after getting trounced in his 10th league game in charge of Sunderland. 

In the aftermath of a shambolic display in which his side shipped five goals, Grayson questioned the reaction of Sunderland fans by suggesting supporters who weren't at Ipswich that night had come "out of the woodwork" to have a go at him and that only those in the away end at Portman Road were genuinely entitled to criticise the team. 

He's not most eloquent of individuals is Simon but this crass babble summed up his brief tenure at the Stadium of Light. 

Big Si feeling the heat

7. Simon Grayson being punted in the tunnel of the Stadium of Light tunnel  

This one had all the hallmarks of being stage-managed for the cameras. In the wake of a crazy 3-3 draw against Bolton Wanderers, and with his side having won just once in 18 league games, Grayson was supposedly given his marching orders by Martin Bain as he left the field of play to head for the dressing room. 

Rather than allow the Yorkshireman a dignified dismissal in the privacy of an office, Bain clearly eyeing a BAFTA was probably talked into dispatching of Grayson in a more dramatic setting by delivering his sacking speech in the SoL tunnel. 

6. Ellis Short insisting Sunderland should be finishing 7th in the Premier League

As Sunderland searched for Grayson's replacement, bizarrely the usually publicity-shy Ellis Short appeared one Friday afternoon in an interview on the club's official website. 

In a strange monologue, the steely American gave the appearance of a man absolutely furious at the position his club had found itself in. 

Insisting he was still involved in the day-to-day running of Sunderland AFC, Short uttered the immortal line which will probably haunt him until the day he finally ends his association with Wearside. Claiming that the club should be seventh in the Premier League, he conceded that perhaps 10th would be acceptable in a 'bad season'. 

Ellis Short on

Fast forward a few months and Short's club now resides in League One. As far away from top ten in the Premier League as Accrington Stanley (who are they?) 

5. Robbin Ruiter and those goals v Millwall

As if to reinforce the reason Sunderland would go on to be relegated, the 'least bad' of Sunderland's goalkeepers, Robbin Ruiter, produced a display along with opposing stopper Jordan Archer which would have featured as top billing in one of those video nasties Danny Baker used to put out at Christmas time. 

Ruiter conceded his first versus Millwall by allowing a free kick to dribble through his legs and his second by allowing a free kick to fumble through his hands. The Sunderland goalkeeper's display was notable for the riotous reaction to it from the Sky Soccer Saturday studio. 

4. Setting an English record for not winning at home

The Millwall fixture at the Stadium of Light was notable for two further reasons. It was the first time Chris Coleman had seen his players in action as he watched his new team - presumably through his fingers - from the stands. 

The game also ensured Sunderland set the record for the longest run in English football without a home win. Twenty matches without a victory on home soil. It wouldn't get much better either. Since then, Coleman's Black Cats have managed just two victories in front of their own fans. 

3. Jack Rodwell's interview with the Daily Mail

On a mission to ensure he'll go down in the history books as the least popular player in Sunderland's history, former £10m man Jack Rodwell appeared in the pages of the Daily Mail in January to portray himself as a victim who deserved sympathy. 

Insisting the club's offer to rip up his contract and allow both parties to move on was 'unfair', Rodwell went on to claim he still hopes to add to his three England caps. Earning £70,000 a week to not play, instead of dying with embarrassment, the former Manchester City man really appeared quite proud of himself. 

2. Winning two game since the turn of the year, oh and Darron Gibson again

The club which had become famed for its resolute fight backs to secure Premier League safety has now been relegated twice in succession without a whimper. 

With just two wins since the turn of the year, Chris Coleman's dire run of ten games without victory meant a recent minor upturn in performance was too little, too late. Twelve points in 19 matches in 2018, and the drop into League One confirmed with two games to go, have left many Sunderland fans wondering if the Welshman is really the man to take the club forward. 

In that spell of course, now-former Sunderland midfielder Darron Gibson has been warned by a magistrate to expect a custodial sentence for crashing his car whilst over the drink-drive limit on his way to join his teammates on matchday at the Stadium of Light. 

Some of the wreckage caused by Gibson

1. Being relegated by Darren Bent 

Ok, so it wasn't technically Darren B£nt's 86th minute goal which relegated us yesterday. That 'honour' fell to Liam Boyce but the former Sunderland striker scoring at the location at which he used to be hailed as a hero makes quite the story. 

The Black Cats decline can arguably be traced back to the moment the money-grabbing toad departed for Aston Villa and Sunderland gleefully pocketed the cash without adequately replacing him. 

Wobbling around yesterday for 20 minutes, the overweight pudding generally can't get a game for Burton but coming on to score and send his old club down seems morbidly fitting and the most 'Sunderland' way to get relegated. 


All things considered, it's been quite the season hasn't it? For all the wrong reasons. This documentary is going to be painful.