They tried to stop us publishing this. WAW has been silenced for days (seriously, the site hasn't worked) but we think we have managed to wriggle free. Who knows if this article will reach you, but we have a truth that must be shared!
What a horrible day 23 July 2016 has proven to be for us all, not just Sunderland fans. The day Ellis Short described David Moyes as a "man whose football pedigree speaks for itself" as he handed the Scot a four year contract to throttle the life out of us all, our football club and ultimately the world. His football pedigree speaks for bugger all but this is not what you think it is.
In reality we are all part of the largest and most successful psychological experiment ever conducted. Like those conspiracy theories you read which allege crazy Russian scientists forced people to eat each other amongst other things during the cold war. Moyesy is the man on the tannoy, except the tele is his tannoy, bleating on about how terrible we are yet how amazing he is. Ellis Short's massive stupid face keeps randomly appearing in our lives, planting the seeds for the eventual mind control.
It breaches every human right ever written. The experiment started with subtlety as Moyes did his utmost to keep genuine footballers away from the Stadium of Light, whilst feeding us fake triumphs such as paying Lamine Kone more money to pretend he gives a toss about anything without a currency symbol assigned to it. I even described the appointment as 'sensible'. They made me believe that.
After seemingly getting us on side, David 'Slapman' Moyes began muttering nonsensical stuff like that lunatic at the bar that has been on the same stool since 1983. He just kept doing that talking thing that he really should never, ever do. Ten months has felt like 28 years and we are deep into the part of the experiment where we lose our minds. It has genuinely been more than two months since Sunderland scored a goal and such is the mundane yet addictive pull of match day, we're having every ounce of could-give-a-tossness sucked out of us like Moyes is Soul Reaver (side note you're class if you get that). There is nothing we an do about it.
We all know how this is going to end. We're all going to be zombified, it's like psychological warfare. Instead of a player lap of honour like we are accustomed to after the last home game of the season, Short is going to belt out some creepy, water phone Poltergeist like symphony and we're all going to stand up with pupils the size of golf balls. We're going to stumble over seats and fall down stairs as each man, woman and child slowly lunges towards the pitch. Once there, Moyes is going to come back through the PA and reel off his Everton achievements as Short leads us out of the stadium with his stupid face and we start eating everyone in the world.
It's over, Moyes and Short have started the apocalypse, but it seems there is nothing we can do about it.