Apologies if you've noticed a dip in the electricity supply this morning. We've cranked up the WaW super computer to work out if - and how - Sunderland can still stay up. And there's good news, the 'pooter says 'yes' - because everyone else in this relegation battle is equally as pap. Here's how we'll survive.
Having spent this week - since the debacle on Tuesday night - being utterly convinced Sunderland are heading for League One and will be down with games to spare, I had a dream last night. And the dream foretold that the number 43 will be significant come May this year.
So I sprung out of bed this morning and began my day by making our lass a cup of tea. And the tea leaves - or the remnants of the bag to be precise - foretold that the number 43 will be significant come May this year.
Buoyed by these portents, I sent me brother a text to tell him the comeback is on. And would you believe it, but our kid is 43 in May this year - born as he was in 1975 - so the number 43 definitely will be significant come May this year.
I tell ye, I cannot believe it. But starting to dream it might be true, I powered up the Super Computer* and stuck the kettle on while the 'pooter cranked and whirled before spitting out the results and its predicted final Championship table for season 2017-18.
And lo-and-behold, the results had me yelping with delight and I just had to share them with ye's. The mystical 43 points is going to be enough to stay up....The omens are aligned and the Super Computer agrees...
Reds are losses, oranges (and a miscoloured yella) are draws and green are wins....
Such is the predicted inability of our relegation rivals to do much better than us - all we have to do, is do marginally better than them - and quite frankly that might just be within the realms of possibility.
All joking aside, the sheer lack of quality at the bottom of the second tier means this could well be one of the lowest points tallies required to survive for a good few years. Four Sunderland wins - starting today at QPR - and a few draws could yet mean the difference between Championship and League One football at the Stadium of Light next season.
*DISCLAIMER: the WaW Super Computer is, in reality, just me, MS Word and two strong black coffees to stimulate the rusty arithmetic skills. Therefore WaW cannot accept liability for any losing bets placed on the basis of the predicted results outlined above nor can WaW accept any liability for getting the sums wrong in the above table. Thanks for your understanding like.